The Time will come
When you'll have to rise
Above the best and prove yourself,
Your spirit never dies!
-Imagine Dragons, Warriors
"It was just a chair... I mean. The whole room felt off- heavy, oppressive, malicious. It felt dark. I'd had that red crystal for so long, I thought if I could just sit there for a moment, I might be able to tell where that sensation was coming from. I had no idea that items could become so infused with ... remnants of the force? I can't explain it. Not really. But I felt it settle over me like a too heavy blanket that stifled the air. It permeated every part of me. The voice of that damn crystal was strong, but it was subtle. This was like running into a rancor face first.
The others said that I changed while sitting there. I don't feel different. Not older, or less full of life like they said of how it looked. Deem thought I was compelled to do it. Maybe just because he's so in touch with the Force. Maybe everything he does is influenced by his connection to the Force... to its Will. So how do I explain that it was just me sitting on a damn chair? The idea struck me, and I followed through.
And now?
Well, now I know what it's like to go toe to toe with someone wielding a lightsaber. Sure, we fought Cestis before - but that was some kind of apparition- some kind of phantasm of her. This was different. I don't know what I was thinking- but my first instinct is still intimidation- to prey on the fears of those that are weaker than me... dissuade them from taking action at all. Which- doesn't work well with these darkside users. It's like they approve of the method. The human of the trio, he looked at me and smiled- and... I don't know if it was just that it goaded me into the kind of fight I like having, or if there was some part of me that liked being looked at like that. With approval. We certainly don't have any kind of mentor around to encourage us like that. Val Issa's programming only goes so far, and even that often comes with lectures and mild scolding. Or vague non-answers.
It was a harrowing battle. Davin went down. And these darkside users were tossing us around like rag dolls. Deem- he was able to just halt one of them. And... and I usually only go for fair fights. I mean, I'm not going put the first to someone already down. But this was different. I had two in front of me, and I knew that if I didn't do what I could with that advantage Deem gave me, I'd be in a bad way. So. I tried to strike both of them, and that human blocked my saber as if it were nothing. It took all we had, all of us ganging up on these three force users, to bring them down.
I thought I'd come so far. I thought I had made progress with all the time spent in training. It's not enough. I need to be stronger. More skilled. I can't let them so easily tear my saber from my grasp, or be thrown around like a piece of space junk. When I step up to face these enemies... these Sith? I want them to feel fear. I want them to know they chose the wrong side. And the wrong Jedi to fight.
I took one of the sabers. I'm going to use it. I don't care that the crystal is red. It's just a crystal. It's not like the blue one I have is doing anything to me... it's just a lens. A part of the saber. I'd been training with that offhand hilt for a while, but there's no crystal to put in it and I don't get the impression we're going to find any more of those any time soon. Beggars can't be choosers. I'm strong enough to wield two of these things at the same time; I mean... I always fought with both fists, why would I change that now just because those fists are wielding a blade? Next enemy we face, it's going down differently. That's for sure.